Maybe they hate their job or their relationship. Its why we gravitate so much to social media and why we love being the center of attention (even if we pretend we dont). Maybe they are behind in school or feel inadequate with what they have (or dont have). Isnt it more likely that theyre talking about someone else? And behind all the flattering adjectives you hear from other people is an ugly truth: these people are deeply unhappy with themselves for not being as pretty or good-looking as you are. By comparison, other peoples problems may seem more manageable, and talking about them can provide a sense of relief. Heres why: Sometimes people talk behind your back because theyre afraid or intimidated by you. They also tend to suppress themselves before others can do it for them. Theyve nothing good to say about others or themselves, are jealous of others, are negative by nature, and are only happy when they put others down (and even then it doesnt last). But if nothing happens when they talk about you, it means that you dont react and your behavior proves that what they say isnt true. Your personality and behavior often go hand in hand, which is why offensive people will talk about you behind your back. Use subtle cues: Sometimes, an overtalker is someone to whom you cant give short shrift: your boss, say or a future in-law. Some people know that talking about others distracts them from their problems. "Gossip is what no one claims to like, but everybody enjoys.". Compulsive talking can be very ingrained, notes Dr. McCroskey. Remind yourself that people who ask questions of others tend to be rated as more likable. This can damage relationships and create unnecessary drama. Get People Talking Behind Your Back! Do they belittle your feelings? For example, gossip can cause embarrassment or discomfort but studies have shown that these negative feelings are more pleasant when they happen to someone else! 1. If someone talks behind your back, they might do so because they think youre immature. They cannot bear the thought of you being happy without them and have no qualms about destroying anything good that happens to you. An immature person might also spread rumors about you because theyve no regard for your feelings or how these stories might affect you when told to others. Welcome to Grammarhow!We are on a mission to help you become better at English. Is Logistic Regression a classification or prediction model? 1. If someone feels they have a grudge against you or if they feel theyre being unfairly criticized by others its probably because they believe theyre being talked about badly behind their back, too! Perspective taking is a key component of emotional intelligence (EQ), which refers to the ability to accurately perceive emotions in oneself and others, understand those emotions, use that information to guide behavior, and effectively manage emotions in oneself and others. You dont deserve to be talked about because you have this problem. Janus-faced - marked by deliberate deceptiveness especially by pretending one set of feelings and acting under the influence of another; "she was a deceitful scheming little thing"- Israel Zangwill; "a double-dealing double agent"; "a double-faced infernal traitor and schemer"- W.M.Thackeray. When people are insecure, they feel threatened by someone whose qualities they lack or successes they want to achieve. He thought my friends were a bunch of phonies Random House, making a false show: as (1) : hypocritical (2) : specious M-W, hypocrite; not speaking frankly or straightforwardly Oxford Dictionaries, weasel: a person who is regarded as treacherous or sneaky. There can be all kinds of reasons why someone is talking about you, but they all have one thing in common: theyre insecure. In situations like this, I highly recommend you seek professional help from a therapist/counselor before it gets any worse than what youre already experiencing! You can do it. When people are insecure, they tend to belittle others to make themselves feel better. In other words, those who gossip do so because it makes them feel powerful and well-informed in a social setting, which often leads to feelings of happiness and satisfaction, as well as a sense of belonging to the group they happen to be in. (plural backstabbers) A traitor or hypocrite, such as a co-worker or friend assumed trustworthy but who figuratively attacks when one's back is turned. With diverse interests, including career development, travel, and poetry, Jahrine is constantly expanding her horizons and seeking new experiences. Your face gets hot. "I don't care what people talk behind my back until they speak the truth." -Abraham Lincoln. They are envious Often, people try to spread rumors and badmouth you simply because they envy you. Pay attention to turn-requesting cues like leaning forward or saying Uh huh, uh huh, that mean they want to talk.. As if theyre the ones in control. After all, then there would be no insecurity lurking within them. Its not a priority for them. The term talking behind your back means talking about the person in an unflattering or derogatory way in their absence. This way they can avoid confrontation and still get noticed by everyone else. Its just a fact of life. At such times, they tend to have more negative thoughts than usual. How much were you talking? Sometimes thats nice. ET. Gossips dont care if the information they reveal is positive or negative as long as its interesting, theyll blab about it without a second thought. Say that you wish things were better between the two of you and that this will help, and explain why their behavior hurts your feelings. Please note that "syn" seems like an abbreviation for "synonym" but from the source should actually be "semantic relations." When people talk behind your back, it says more about them than about you. Studies in the 1990s found that about one in 20 people overtalks. Maybe you did something in the past that broke their trust. Weve gathered some of the best synonyms, such as:@media(min-width:0px){#div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-box-3-0-asloaded{max-width:728px!important;max-height:90px!important}}if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[728,90],'grammarhow_com-box-3','ezslot_3',105,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-box-3-0'); The best words for someone who talks behind your back are two-faced, hypocritical, and backstabbing.. Theyre the people who are always looking for an opportunity to bring you down. When a conflict arises between two people, an immature person talks to others about it instead of confronting the person directly so that both parties can have a healthy discussion about what happened between them. If the person who owes you money keeps avoiding signing a check, theyve likely been conspiring behind your back to avoid paying you. No matter whether it's an acquaintance or a good friend, at some point, they'll start spreading rumors about you. There are many healthy ways to get that validation. How AlphaDev improved sorting algorithms? Or maybe youre popular and well-liked in their circle, while they dont make friends as easily as you do or maybe not at all. Wolf in sheep's clothing is what I would refer to. "Tell yourself, you enjoy talking . It is possible that you didnt mean to hurt her on purpose. So, while you might make some friends by gossiping, its not likely to be the best ways to build lasting relationships. It doesnt matter if you consider them friends or fake friends. Longer term relationships can be harder to manage than brief encounters. The world grows still. People talking about you behind your back actually belong behind you. This is called malicious gossip and can be defined as information thats personally demeaning or belittling.. "Talking behind is not cowardy, but is foolish.". By gossiping about you and others, theyre the center of attention and feel theyve power and control over you. People talk behind your back because they want to know something about you that you mightnt reveal in public. Haters dont just happen to successful people. 8. A person who has a set of behaviors and interests out in the world but has a "different" set of behaviors and interests when at home, can probable be seen as "multifaceted." She may want to have the same success that you have in your career or a certain area of your life. talks behind someone's back phrase. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is always jealous of the things you have or do, he or shes likely jealous. Dont be too hard on them if someone is saying bad things about someone else to make themselves look better, its probably because theyre lacking something in their own life. Noun. And what it often says is that they're struggling with their own identity and self-confidence. However, its important to know that positivity can take many forms. If they dont understand this, they may take their insecurity out on you by talking behind your back to make themselves feel better. Gossip is a great way for someone who doesnt have many friends or an opportunity to connect with other people to get attention for themselves while belittling their target. People also talk behind your back because theyre envious or wish they could be like you. Read more about Martin here. What do you do with graduate students who don't want to work, sit around talk all day, and are negative such that others don't want to be there? Avoid trying to win arguments by any means; its better to agree on an issue than to cause drama for no reason. Sam Shriver and Marshall Goldsmith 2 min read. Keep an open mind when talking to others and try to understand other viewpoints and opinions that may differ from yours. Ask your friends for feedback have you ever used them to vent your feelings? So if youre wondering why people talk behind others backs, here are some reasons why others choose to behave this way. However, you might not know this immediately as youre never around when they say horrible things. A busybody is someone who likes to stick their nose into other peoples business and regularly shares what they learn with others. Theyre bullies whore happy to see you down and dragged down to their level. Sometimes gossip just reflects how badly the person feels about themselves, but sometimes its a cry for help a way to get attention and invite others into a conversation that could lead to more meaningful interactions later. People are talking behind your back to bring you down. Competitive thinking can cause you to be jealous of the other person because they can do something better than you or because they got something you wanted but couldnt get because someone else got it instead of you. You just dont match up with them on every level and thats okay! It might seem rude, but its incredibly reasonable. She agreed to try. If youre successful, youll have haters. A slanderer is similar to a traitor in that both individuals share salacious information about others behind their backs. However, when others see you as a threat, they may try to put you down by talking about you behind your back to feel better about their situation by comparing themselves favorably to you. Hosted by Katrin Bennhold. Alternatively, how about two-timer (although this one often carries the connotation of infidelity, but not necessarily): a person who says one thing and does another, double-dealing: the practice of working to people's disadvantage behind their backs. Construction of two uncountable sequences which are "interleaved", Measuring the extent to which two sets of vectors span the same space. Why do people talk behind your back? Its not impossible, but itll take time and effort from both parties to get things back to normal between the two of you. When people talk behind your back, it doesnt mean they dont like you. It may also be that they are insecure because of the way you act, although I doubt thats the case in this instance because were talking about someone whos worked with you before and shouldnt be intimidated by your imposing presence again! It's horrible to have people laughing at you behind your back. Even if they told you the details without asking you for discretion, that doesnt mean you get to reveal all their secrets and facts about their lives! Is there a term to describe someone that is neither genuine or a hypocrite? Theyre not happy with how you look, so they have to make sure everyone notices. Whatever its that makes them think, I wish I had what she has. You may think that speaking negatively about a person is justified if they have done something wrong to you; however, if someone else finds out what you said, they may feel betrayed because they trusted that person more than any other person in the world. You can do this by finding friends who support you and share your passion for learning and personal development, or by joining a group of like-minded people (e.g., Toastmasters International). In most cases, when one person is gossiped about, theres a good chance that others are also being gossiped about behind their back. Their disinterest in self-improvement has several implications: Threats to the ego can tempt us to speak behind others backs. You can assume theyll continue to talk behind your back. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines double-dealing as action contradictory to a professed attitude.. Yet, it is often the opposite. It lifts their spirits because it gives them a sense of power, It feels like theyre going up against you, They get attention from others who agree with them or join in the conversation. Jahrine is a seeker of knowledge and personal growth. It only takes a minute to sign up. Eventually, Mr. Overbye proposed a signal: He would tug his ear when he wanted a turn to talk. They need something to fill their time with, so they spend that time discussing others. 10. Amplification: Definition and Examples Explored Concisely, Palindrome: Definition and Examples Explained Concisely, Epitaph: Definition and Examples Explained in A Nutshell, Falling Action: Definition and Examples to Enhance Storytelling, Epiphany: Definition and Examples A Beacon in the Fog of Uncertainty. Respond calmly, in a yoga teacher kind of voice and pace, deep breathe, see if you can get them to match you, says Lynda McCroskey, a professor of communications studies at California State University Long Beach. In this way, they control your relationships, whether they are friendships, business partnerships, or even romantic relationships. Second, avoid gossiping about people who are close to you. (n.d.) WordNet 3.0, Farlex clipart collection. Other people thrive on drama. Bullying is meant to hurt you, but the roots of bullying lie in the bullies low self-esteem and poor social skills. Why is there a drink called = "hand-made lemon duck-feces fragrance"? This means that people arent ashamed to gossip about their neighbors or colleagues because everyone does it so often that its accepted as normal and not frowned upon like other types of bad behavior, such as stealing from your employer or cheating on your taxes. Method 1 Listening to the Person's Words 1 Listen for backhanded compliments. Maybe they envy what youve accomplished in life. Its a way to bond with friends, share juicy tidbits, and even feel a little bit superior. They just dont like you or trust you. Do nothing 2. If so, it sounds like someone was talking about you behind your back. If this is the case, youre probably more successful, intelligent, and confident than theyre. Read on for a few body language cues that may be signs someone is talking about you behind your back. Replay recent conversations: Keep a log of your conversations. Was it upsetting to know someone was saying mean things about you without you being there to defend yourself? People who talk behind your back have become a part of reality. Specifically this would fit with someone who quite literally shows one face (friendly) and another face (unfriendly) under differing circumstances.