This was becoming a norm for several weeks and it took 3weeks later at a restaurant we went to for my husband to tell me he was cheating on me and that he loved the woman and her son. hi there. You are breaking your own heart by staying. Betrayed. She told me about a week ago now that I can say all the right things and do all the right things, that I can be 100% perfect and it wont matter. Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action. I took his phone unblock the other women number and i started texting her like it was him so she was replying in that way too. $('.submenu').hide(); A few hours later, he quietly came down to take a shower. I found out more information about their relationship from her daughter. She was living at his apartment since past 6 months. I blamed myself mostly because he was telling me things like she has a really good heart he needed someone to love him and give him the attention he needed and appreciate what a good man he was what I wasnt doing those things. You can find out more about domestic violence here: My husband said they whipped him until his mind had the good sense to shut down. Will I ever get past it or will I be better off to let go. Alumni. I think its just the shock as was so out of his character to behave so conniving and this way. Ive got the transcripts of all the messages he sent to his second affair woman, there are thousands of them! About 2-3 weeks after that discovery, I found out one morning that he had been cheating for a couple months. He lied about their interaction when I asked over the four years. We have been together 18 1/2 years. Any advice please ?? He shows up late to all family functions, left on weekends supposedly to go practice in his band with his buddies and plays darts with his bar buds except he was seeing these other women. X. I have been with my husband for 7 years married 4 1/2 of the 7 years and have known him since 1988 when we first dated as teenagers. But, I think he is depressed and he has no sex drive and will barley communicate with me. So he did just that as far as I know as I know I came to his work several times to pick him up / pop by with lunch etc. Although your husbands actions created this situation, his actions alone wont necessarily change it. Im still fighting with myself since my husband is still texting and daily talking on the phone with her if I ever can get over it. And my friends and sister said the same. He said on his first overseas trip he want to be with other women but could not because he was married to me and felt that he was not ready for marriage kids and all that comes with it. He started taking everything he was denied after 31 years of marriage starting with me Everything now is no cooperation from my husband for any reason.I feel my part in this was shameful but did not see a way without causing the society trouble. Secondly, coming to what the guy said to you. have you filed for divorce at all? that is weird to me. The Fool . $('.submenu').hide(); It's up to you as You have to Love her to continue your life together as the same goes for you lady Love of your life so your Heart will heal in time yet you will have to work on yourself Believe in yourself ( in a good way ) Ask yourself if you want to continue your relationship ? An affair with my friend. We have had amazing sex since. Basically is was like living with a rebellious 16 year old. I think anger is normal, as well as sadness. margin: 0 0.07em !important; I need certain things from him and he isnt really trying. I found out it started with porn which grew into an addiction, then dating sites, to emails, to nude waist down sefies to meeting in hotels to CL prostitution. Sorry for my rant. I begged him to talk to me and really hoped he would see it. Everytime he says he loves me, is devastating because he was saying the same while his affair was going on. I love my husband very much and dont want to loose him, but Im furious, Im hurt and I cant go on. He said that she was rarely even there when he went to hang out. Shes probably very confused knowing she loves you but her heart is so broken. I am definitely not a priority. it doesn't make it impossible, but it's difficult nonetheless. I have been there and made a mistake by doing the same thing to him that he did to me. They claim they didnt have sex for the next 9 years but continued communication as well as sexting. Even though I broke up with him, I ended up feeling rejected because he still makes promises he doesn't keep. well its been gone for a long time I had become distant and going through the motions for years before his recent confessions because I knew what was happening and he was denying . Didnt care what he did for a living it only mattered that she didnt have to work. Save yourself and just stay single. So back to my story, we got married this year and everything was perfect I never loved him so much in my life. That Night I was trying to get him to met after the event, Talk his grievances out and come up with Some kind of solutions. I had my oldest daughter take my youngest out for ice cream that afternoon when he came home from work and we had it out! Sex the first year was exciting because I felt like I had something to prove. I dont know how i managed to bare all this pain but i went to counseling and was suggested to get a marriage counselor. Blessings to you and yours. Engaged 1yr. She still maintains a friendship with the other guy and this makes me so angry. Its true its a thin line between love and hate. Weve constantly tried to help him to stop drinking. Its all day long. We saw though that this was actually a cry for help from both of us and so we worked hard to come back together. He liked her for the immaturity factor, because with her, he didnt have to be anything. if ($(".submenu4").is(":hidden")) { Sure I had crushes on guys in my class, some of them pretty intense, but I lacked the courage to do more than stare at them wistfully once in a while, so none of that amounted to much. Its been 2.5 years since my boyfriend who I loved, adored and was head over heels for, cheated on me with my best friend. And then another women. window._wpemojiSettings = {"baseUrl":"https:\/\/s.w.org\/images\/core\/emoji\/13.1.0\/72x72\/","ext":".png","svgUrl":"https:\/\/s.w.org\/images\/core\/emoji\/13.1.0\/svg\/","svgExt":".svg","source":{"concatemoji":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-emoji-release.min.js?ver=5.9"}}; The girl told me everything 2 days back when she moved out of his apartment. So yeah. Yet, as one author says, failure is an event not a person. When I discovered the affair he initially said she was a friend and soon enough I realized she was not . To keep someone in her life who has violated your relationship with her is complete He went so far as sending inappriopriage texts to my daughter in laws best friend, he humiliated me with a woman in the dog park. Although i never caught him in a full blown affair but mostly cyber relationship which consists of international texts messages and international calls where he uses his company phone for all these stupidities! I really beat myself up over his affair and tried hard to make things work went to counseling and engaged our pastors to help us through this time. He felt like something bad was going to happen to him. it was over 4 days they kissed and slept together once he saying it was a mistake etc but the other woman is a mum at my childrens school!!! Providing hope, encouragement and infidelity-specific insight to anyone in recovery from betrayal. I cannot stop thinking about him and her together. }, I have lost all trust, gained weight and my self esteem is totally shot. It was the reason to fix my marriage give us a whole new life and kids would have their Dadddy. He started again to beg me to return home but I never did as he was living on his moms money and earned little and wasted all money he earned and never spent on me or my kid. We wanted to offer you some crisis resources, as well. He didnt have to deal with his own insecurities or flaws or have to accept responsibility for his part in our marriage failure. I have never overcome it. Cookie Notice BS. If he has been 100% honest, apologizes and is open about it, you do have a chance. Have kids and dont want to do that to them however I am so angry I cant get past that. If you cant change schools, find a way to avoid seeing her as much as possible. After about a year we had a daughter and his company wanted to move him across the state. If I had the financial ability to leave Im sure I would. If they show you theyre true side once, they will never grow up or really change. Is love worth all that? His needs were being met, thank you very much. What should i do. How could he do this to me. He barely showed up for our session but he came at the last minute. I am smart, attractive and devoted to those in my life. I knew I had to say something. I feel like an idiot. I am also caring for his two children 7 and 8 from a previous marriage that had been on and off since the children were babies he also remarried another women in his country Iraq after her which ended sadly due to cultural reasons he new her 3 months and still is sad about the break he thought the world of her my opinion she wasnt that great looking but to him she was he blocks it out and hates talking about oh yes Im in 1 of those twisted relationships. I had enough of it though. He also travel for work and admitted to a one night stand-he got addicted to the thrill. But something was never right, my husband said I wanted to much attention from him and when he came home he did not want to take the photos or craft the kids did for him back to work with him . Bought it again. THE NICEST GUY great experience 10/10 from niceguys. It was completely platonic. Came home to find out he left. That if shed been more attentive to my needs, then maybe I wouldnt have fell for the advances of my affair partner and not have needed what she was giving me. I dont understand any of what happened with his affair. This woman accessed his personal phone, email accounts, facebook account and created a fake profile with his image to purposely connect with his relatives so that they would all learn about the affair, she went as far as to claim her 2-3 year old child was his, posted comments on facebook under my husbands identity, and said she didnt care if he stayed with his wife, as long as he continued to talk to her and send her messages. In hindsight if i had put myself first in everything things would have been allot different. Privacy Policy. They sat right beside each other at work. 5 years of infidelity with his work wife, who I despised all along, and Im supposed to forgive, forget, and fall in love? I highly recommend this and also sharing it with your husband when ready so he can fully understand your emotions as well . And now his black outs have led to the destroying of our family and my heart (what was left of it). He went from being kind to yelling and screaming, drinking excessively every opportunity he got, and all around not bearable to be around. Sorry but I never got any compliments on my hair or weight as I started to try hard bc I was a good looking woman as I knew that yet I didnt feel the love or anything from him in a way or believe in my self as I was home sick a lot & tired with home bound bc we have a very hard situation ( longer story to explain to come ) in more details but still I have my stress factors that hit me with I found so many triggers as my husband still works at the same company as this now ex co-worker non friend as he stopped all the convos as well as they never have spoken since as I believe him but he knows its my request as if this hadnt been a secret casual work only friend only with never nothing on his phone or a text ever yes then I would not believe him bc no emails either as my hubby isnt into iPhones or technology like Facebook etc. I want to be very clear here as I find it a must to negate any message here that claims you had a part.there is absolutely NOTHING you could have done to change your partners path and the problem is not you, the problem is not your marriage. He informed me tar evening we allowed him nothing, from that second he was the final judge and arbitor under his roof and he expected restitution for 31 years of a stolen life. Betrayed. He couldnt try if he still saw her everyday. Recognizing that with God as my priority, I will be okay no matter what. After being there a couple years, they put him on a job on the other side of the state. I had made so many tries to text him when I finally sent him an apology of a paragraph but it was then I found out, he blocked me. The girl also told me that he loves only you..he was just ****** up. So unless someone's actions mean 'change' real actions speak your truth Time will tell Good luck Confused Soul : ) or am i paranoid ? I had to in turn, forgive myself, and realize I still had value, and still had worth and still had purpose. My husband has given me the go ahead if thats what it takes for me to begin to heal. Now Its trouble in spades. He is still at home, I love him as a relative but no longer feel romantic towards him, hes ruined all of that. He says hes sorry and that he will never do anything like this again, he is remorseful and has given me access to his phone and email so I can look at them at any time, to prove he isnt hiding anything, but I dont want to live like that, I feel exhausted and destroyed. When I confronted him through messages and calls. We still fight more often than I would like, but he is finally getting better about being less defensive. Betrayed. If youre unhappy why not just get a divorce? In all honesty, I dont believe the anger ever goes way. He does everything in his power to keep me happy, he has always even before and during the affair, has gone that extra mile to make sure the kids and I are well taken care of. Thats a cold heartless selfish pervert. he only had her on his favorite contacts. Reddit, Inc. 2023. Show them what a happy family should be like. So the happy hours continued and all of the above, about a month after I nicely asked him if there was someone else I went off about being tired of being left to do everything with the house and kids (we both have fulltime jobs outside the house), his screaming at me and the kids, and why was it so important to go to happy hour! He says he was too drunk and blacked out. I dont know what to do anymore. Did you tell him? He is doing this because you are letting him, as far as he can see. He nearly was put out on the beltway. he also had her name on his Facebook search history.i confronted him back in February and he said it was all talk that they would only talk to change shifts ans work stuff. H4e had told me the number was 911 go ahead embarrass my self by reporting him to the sheriff for sexual misconduct, he said I would need a rape kit done so dont clean up and dont pick up for crime scene photos He said have fun getting money out of frozen accounts The would take his retirement and SSI from him and pay the state He hoped I liked having nothing coming in. Is she going to yell and scream at me again? My life has been ruined. This man messed up a good family and led women on, cheated and put his physical health at risk. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. He slept in his car because he was too drunk to drive and his phone died. For good? I have prayed for 8 months for a change, but I too am beginning to wonder if this is manipulation. You are absolutely right to feel angry. He no longer belongs to me and as far as I am concerned no longer sacred. I am constantly thinking about moments we share compared to the moments they shared(or so I picture them sharing). I think about them being intimate when we are being intimate. But when I hear and read about accounts like yours it sobers me like a hard slap in the face. WOW! I just want to shut my brain off!!! The following month I found out I was pregnant and he continued with the relationship. Thanks a million for being so honest. I let her understand how I feel she rejected. My first husband was a cheater and I planned to stay single after my divorce with my 2 boys. Saying he couldnt have any of his stuff its community property that a judge would decide what he could have. I have been praying for 8 months for him to see the Light and maybe save our 35 year marriage, but so far nothing seems to be changing. He says he is capable of forgetting something/anyone in his life. He said when I left I didnt even cry. Maybe hes not truly sorry for his actions that hurt you. Which he has done. If I am going to stay married to him its for a good strong marriage. please i need some advice. Sometimes I find myself praying and asking God whether Im not supposed to be happy in life. his seabag packed, a tent and 2 sleeping bags and mats. If you have a very successful career, it could be why this guy rejected you. Any suggestions? His excuses..1. I really dont understand whats in his mind Im at that point that I have so much anger in me. How do I know that things have changed if he was always loving and attentive before and remains so now. I suffer with several conditions that is stress related, it has affected my heart, degistve system and my muscular and sketal system and now I am on chemotherapy to suppress my immune system and I am also below my recommended weight I have to say it is not an easy task as he promised me he would never cheat on me..My ex-husband cheated on me also. He blames his drinking for what happened and doesnt recall the event. My husband and I have been together for 8 years and married for 3. He do too. }); Sonetimes he makes me more angry when he said if you dobt trust me leave me, im not forcing you to stay with me. You Must be the bigger person to Look within your own eyes and Your Heart Will tell you but moving forward is key with starting the process of forgiving her along with the male friend because you can chose to either speak to that guy friend of hers and ask he stop calling her immediately / via any texts or email communicating to your fianc because hes not respecting you as well your fianc needs to end this emotional affair with the other man her guy friend because You Will Not tolerate anymore contact with this situation ! Then after a few minutes of silence he started talking. He wanted to remain friends with the girl at the beginning because he felt sorry for her & refused to delete her off Facebook etc saying I can check his messages whenever I want. I deserve to care for the wounds that make being with a shallow person causes. Because I know that I love him too much to lie and cheat behind his back, I feel that he must not have every loved me or he could not have done what he did. Actually they had fallen asleep while in the act as they had been drinking a lot. then do that or stop whatever is going on. He is showing you that you're not worth his time otherwise. You need to save you. how could you love again the person who cheated you and did not value you and your love. jQuery(document).ready(function () { The girl is in a different branch from me and didnt have any friends on my ship. I was in a real bad place for a long long time, i found support in my family and at 26 moved back woth my parents with baby en tow.